At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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