Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
