i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize