Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Dignity is for republicans.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
