The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
