I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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