you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
