So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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