Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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