matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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