He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
