i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
