im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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