i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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