Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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