If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
