The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
