I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
