i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
