this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
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she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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