i will never coherently bang her
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
