remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
