You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
