mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Randomize
