I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
