Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
