I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
