I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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