If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
