After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
