I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
