It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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