can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
