I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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