two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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