I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
there's paper in my vomit.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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