You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
