Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
