well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
