Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
