so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
