the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
