the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
