So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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