The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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