Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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