I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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