I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
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The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
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You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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