someone threw a dead crab at me
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
