pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
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i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
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2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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