I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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