i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
