i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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