i jhust puked up my retainher.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
