I want to make a zoo with you.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
