i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
