you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
