I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
