So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
