I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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