I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
