Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
