Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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