So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
