One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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